The Sacred Struggle of a Phillies Catcher

Darren Daulton's Metaphysical Treatise, Occulted Baseball, and the Toxic Chemicals That May Have Led Him There

While my beloved Kansas City Royals may be out of the running, the MLB postseason has reignited my love of the sport of baseball in a big way. Not losing 100 games in a season can do that! But, as is also the case with the paranormal and parapolitical, the most interesting stories are found in the “inside baseball” of baseball, whether that be unwritten rules, idiosyncratic players, and strange off-field antics. This is a tale that involves all three of these topics. I originally intended for this article to be submitted to Apocalypse Confidential for their “Juiced” issue but did not complete it in time—life gets in the way! I nevertheless highly recommend checking out the other writing in that release and urge readers to consider this piece in that context. But without further ado, an ode to one of my favorite baseball players.

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Baseball catcher Darren “Dutch” Daulton grew up in Arkansas City, Kansas—pronounced “ar-can-sus,” and never in the way inhabitants of the state of Arkansas would pronounce it. Nicknamed Ark City, the small town is around ten minutes away from my own hometown and friends and family reside there. As a kid who collected baseball cards and liked to read the stats and stories on the back, I could not have been prouder that Philadelphia Phillies fan favorite Darren Daulton hailed from a town so close to me, within the same county, even. A since closed Mexican restaurant in Ark City that my family frequented was adorned with his jersey and merchandise and many locals could reminisce about knowing Daulton in his childhood and adolescence. He was, after all, one of the city’s most recognizable athletes, drafted by the Phillies out of high school for his talents.

Dutch was a one-of-a-kind baseball player, not only gritty and talented, but also had an interesting personality off the field, not always in a flattering way. Some well-publicized DUIs created an unwelcome notoriety that floated throughout his playing career and afterwards—but much of this behavior was nothing out of the ordinary for that era’s Phillies rosters. On the field, Daulton was known as a workhorse, playing through injuries of varying severity and solidifying his place on the Phillies roster despite the heavy odds against him early on. The Philadelphia Inquirer would later write that he was “admired by teammates as much for his talent (…) as his heart.”¹ Dutch was part of an exciting period of Phillies history, specifically their 1993 season as runners-up in the World Series. That year’s Phillies roster was examined in further depth in Pennsylvania historian William C. Kashatus’ book Macho Row, with Daulton playing an essential role in establishing the team’s ethos. Kashatus writes:

The ’93 Phillies (…) won because they played by the Code, baseball parlance for the unwritten rules of the game. The Code governs all aspects of baseball. (…) Designed to preserve the moral fabric of the game, the Code contains rules for individual and team behavior in common situations, punishments for ignoring the rules, and the understanding that those rules must never be discussed outside the clubhouse. In short, the Code is about respect—respect for the team, respect for teammates, and, above all, respect for the game itself. By the 1990s these idiosyncratic rules had become passé in Major League Baseball. (…) The ’93 Phillies were a refreshing change to that selfish attitude. They restored the significance of the Code and made it an integral part of their success. They were an “old school” team in every sense of the word. There were no superstars. Players seemed to check their egos at the clubhouse door and protected each other when a teammate was disrespected by an opponent, the media, or management.²

Kashatus also noted that Daulton was one of several key players who “reflected the club’s colorful but gruff personality,” and viewed “the Code” as “more than the unwritten rules of the game.” To Dutch, “it was a way of life.”³ Daulton would later take this a step further, basing his lifestyle on codes of a more cosmic variety, whether that be numerology, symbolism, or other occult patterns. But they were unwritten rules all the same.

Baseball is a superstitious sport, laced with good luck charms and special routines, but to Daulton, more occult sources of influence were also at play in the proceedings—and within the proceedings of the world at large. The former catcher’s dissertation of sorts on these topics, If They Only Knew, was published in 2008 by Blue Note Books. Apropos of nothing, this publishing house would also release Chris Bledsoe associate Hal Povenmire’s UFO’s and Alien Abduction Phenomena (sic) in 2016. Within his book, Daulton speaks of a strange out-of-body experience he had on the diamond when he was with the Marlins—a team he also won a World Series with in 1997. “The crux of this story is: when I hit this particular ball inside the line, I felt as if someone else was swinging for me,” Daulton writes. “When I swung and hit the ball a feeling came over me that seemed very strange, like I was in another world although none of the surroundings changed. As I rounded first this feeling never left me.”⁴ Dutch was so certain in this moment that something divine had happened, that he left the stadium with “tears of joy or awe” and a renewed sense of spiritual purpose.⁵ It seems a positive enough albeit New Age tinged moment, especially for a player in his twilight years—Daulton could no longer play catcher because of his battered knees, which had resulted in a baffling nine surgeries over the span of his career.⁶ But little could prepare the reader for where Dutch would take them:

Ascension is a spiritual journey. It is part of an evolutionary process of the universe that enables you to raise your level of consciousness higher and to tap into higher dimensions. It has been called a process of enlightenment where a person may escape the physical plane of existence. It is a time of mental and emotional clearing, of losing negative energies and continuing growth to reach and become a higher self.⁷

One expects to see a passage like this on countless New Age websites, (a few of which Daulton cites directly, such as Ellie Crystal’s crystalinks.com,) but not coming from a former professional baseball player. Although the book’s dedication “to all of the light workers who continue to do their jobs, regardless of the scrutiny they must endure” might have dropped a big hint.⁸ While the topic of baseball appears in brief moments, the vast majority of the book is Daulton laying out his metaphysical worldview, touching on topics ranging from strange numerological coincidences in the 9/11 terror attacks to criticism of New Age interest in the existence of extraterrestrials. For those curious about the latter, Dutch calls the topic of aliens “a waste of time and energy.”⁹ Even the nonsense Philadelphia Experiment story makes its way into the book, covered while Daulton is speculating on the prospect of time travel. “Many years ago I was able to get my hands on some underground information concerning this event,” he writes. But he doesn’t spill the beans, not wanting to “confirm one way or the other whether or not this story about traveling through time is fact or fiction.”¹⁰

While covering all manner of woo topics, Daulton’s express purpose in writing it is to inform to the broader population that anyone is capable of spiritual ascension, using the classic buzzwords: He describes vibrating at a different frequency or entering fully open states of mind that allow for etheric shifts to the 4^th or 5^th dimensions to achieve ascended status. There is a Christian framework to this system that is propped up with Buddhist teachings and more far-out woo. Dutch sees his “ascension” signified by moments of déjà vu, prophetic dreams, out-of-body experiences, and other altered states of consciousness. In classic New Age fashion, he insists that the human mind is capable of altering reality: Bad conditions are your own fault if you’re negative, positivity and a shedding of the ego will materially change your conditions for the better. “Stop sending out negative energy because it’s going to come back, folks,” Daulton advises. “Every thought that pops into your mind is very powerful energy that is sent out on the matrix and universal law demands that it find a home. You will receive what you send.”¹¹ While he seems easily distracted by the numerous fringe subjects of the early to mid 2000s—Mayan calendar predictions, anyone?—this positive-in/positive-out belief system is the main concept he wants the reader to understand. One needs to accept God (a being of pure energy) into their hearts to become a multi-dimensional entity like God him/herself. While one can do this by noticing number patterns or researching sacred geometry, one only needs to be open to mystical experiences in order to become an ascended individual, capable of nearly anything one sets their mind to. Through trials and tribulations, Daulton had done it himself, and he wanted others to be able to do it themselves.

Seeing the symptoms leading up to Daulton’s “ascension” experience, I could not help but note the similarities to chronic traumatic encephalopathy, whether they be dissociation, personality changes, night sweats, or flashes of light in vision. Even his publicized substance abuse issues could have stemmed from the same traumatic brain injuries, contributing to other more physical injuries. As a grizzled MLB catcher prior to a more recent rule forbidding violent collisions at home plate, Dutch took more than his fair share of baseball-induced blunt force trauma. William C. Kashatus, on the other hand, suspected that “Daulton’s domestic problems and strange behavior” might have resulted from “PED use,” which shares similar long-term effects.¹² Most just thought he was downright nuts, with one unflattering article from 2006 subtitled “Former Phil insists life is ducky, he's not daffy”.¹³ “I’m still the same old Dutchie,” he told a reporter in that article, assuring him that his “comments about metaphysics, quantum physics, the fifth dimension, and the end of the world” did not tell the whole story.¹⁴ He informed the writer that he had a book coming out that would explain everything which, as one can tell, only led to further questions upon release.

His family, however, feared something less obvious that was right under his nose for over a decade: The “forever chemicals” that composed Veterans Stadium’s artificial turf. His ex-wife, Nicole, saw firsthand anger issues and personality changes, in one frightening instance being slapped by Daulton while holding their 1-year-old child. Barbara Laker and David Gambacorta of the Philadelphia Inquirer wrote:

Daulton was charged with domestic battery. A caseworker for Child Protective Services told Nicole that if she didn’t separate from Daulton, she would lose her children.

Despite a stay-away order, Daulton sneaked into her home one night. She found him sleeping next to their three kids. “There is one thing that is the most important thing in my life,” he said at the time, “and that’s my children.”¹⁵

But Nicole felt that these moments were signs of a worrying trend that would escalate further. It was noted in the same article that Dutch spoke of being a time traveler, an invisible man, or the victor in a fight with God himself.¹⁶ Several of the incidents are obliquely mentioned within If They Only Knew, the latter hinted at when he writes of the biblical Jacob’s wrestling match with God. To Daulton, this passage of the Bible supposedly contains occulted symbology which hints at the pineal gland being the source of all spiritual learning and experience. Dutch’s fully open pineal gland, for instance, was one of several factors that had allowed him to fully ascend spiritually.¹⁷ Other former baseball colleagues noted the profound changes in Daulton’s transformed mental state, teammate and outfielder Gary Varsho remarking that his “confusing” conversations with Dutch devolved into “science fiction.”¹⁸ And Varsho was no stranger, knowing Daulton and his family well, even naming his son (current Toronto Blue Jays player Daulton Varsho) in honor of the Phillies catcher.

But while Dutch’s symptoms presented most strangely, he was far from the only person who spent years of his life at Philadelphia’s Veterans Stadium to be subsequently diagnosed with glioblastoma. Former Phillies Tug McGraw, John Vukovich, David West, Johnny Oates, and Ken Brett all suffered from the same illness. The Laker and Gambacorta article points to others who spent extended periods of time at the Vet snd also suffered the same fate, including umpires and a sportswriter.¹⁹ While studies examining the link between the PFAs in astroturf and cancer are largely in their infancy, several have noted the possibility that such a link does exist—one finding specifically “a very small excess lifetime cancer risk for people with ‘intense 30-year activity’ on artificial turf.”²⁰ Dutch probably lived 30 lifetimes on astroturf, inhaling it, wearing it, and getting it stuck in his numerous wounds. In another Italian study, the material was found to be particularly dangerous in hot temperatures, a fairly common occurrence in Philly, when inhalable vapors are released.²¹ While the truth about astroturf’s carcinogenic nature is still being ascertained, there are ominous warning signs and clear incentives to keep ill effects unknown. One doctor quoted in a Journal of the National Cancer Institute article remarks:

The surprising thing to me is that the health issues were not checked out much earlier—bearing in mind how long such pitches have been around and how many millions of people, especially children, use the surfaces worldwide—and we still don’t know what, if any, health risks there are from widely recognized carcinogenic substances used in crumb rubber and what uptake rather than simply exposure there is. (…) It would have been in both government and industry interests to have sorted this [out] a long time ago.²²

Former Phillies players who may have been exposed at Veterans Stadium and their families are rightfully concerned seeing their former friends and loved ones pass from cancer. Nicole Daulton herself has gone as far as retaining an attorney, “Robert Bilott, (…) who has spent much of the last 24 years exposing, through litigation, the risks that PFAS pose to the environment and to human health.”²³ Whether her plight will result in any changes or admissions remains to be seen, but the MLB “dismissed her concerns” back when Dutch’s behavioral changes started in the early 2000s, and the Phillies organization, while sharing “frustration and sadness” over the deaths, were told by “brain cancer experts” that “there’s no evidence of a link between turf and cancer.”²⁴

Whether he was suffering from CTE, the long-term effects of steroids, early signs of his later bouts with brain cancer, or was genuinely experiencing some kind of spiritual reawakening, Daulton would write: “Maybe the most overriding of the symptoms is the feeling that you are going insane. What is happening may have you thinking that you are mentally ill.” Luckily, he notes, this feeling is only “spooky until you acquire the ability to comprehend what is happening to you.”²⁵ Daulton’s writing is surprisingly lucid, but there are indications that he was a man with a brain on fire. While not completely manic, Dutch exemplifies an intense level of belief reformation, seemingly grappling with the fact that his life was on a downturn and he was having thoughts and experiences he did not entirely understand. Likewise, few people around him understood the situation, and there is a defensiveness throughout If They Only Knew, pleas that he is not crazy and has reached genuine enlightenment. As he awaited a “spiritual awakening of the masses,” there was likely an embedded hope that upon the advent of these great changes, others would be able to understand him, able to see the things he saw.²⁶ The general public never did. Instead, three years after the book’s publication, he made #19 of 20 on a Bleacher Report list of notorious retired athletes, the author continuing to poke fun at his whacky opinions.²⁷

One can only hope that Daulton found solace in his idiosyncratic collection of beliefs. While based in pseudoscience New Age babble, Dutch’s online research eventually led to some form of understanding, even if it was materially flawed. After all, no one knew that he had brain cancer until 2013. His hard-partying lifestyle as a Philly led most to think he was just off his rocker on drugs. Many institutions had failed Darren Daulton, and like others in the same situation, alternative health and metaphysics filled the hole that was left. Of course, this resulted in friends and family understandably thinking he was losing his mind in a more organic sense. It is particularly shaking to read what his ex-wife Nicole thinks about the situation now, after his death and after the possible dangers of astroturf came to the fore: “I felt like I had left him. (…) My vows went through my head, like in sickness and health. He’s been sick this whole time. And I just left him, left him to die.”²⁸ With her current campaign, perhaps some form of justice will be reached for this thought-provoking and possibly misunderstood baseball legend. The life of Darren Daulton is a messy story filled with unanswered questions, largely because no one would listen to his “out there” thoughts except to tease him for them. While the possibility is incredibly slim, maybe some of his experiences were more than misfiring neurons and were, in their own way, a message to the cosmic void asking for help. Regardless, from one Kansan to another, rest in piece Dutch.

Thank you for reading Getting Spooked. If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, consider becoming a regular subscriber to get posts sent to your inbox. Become a paid subscriber to read over a dozen archived posts, listen to members-only podcast episodes, or ask questions to be answered in Q&As. It is the best way to directly support the continuation of this publication. I also started a referral program that rewards archive access to those who share the newsletter with others, so be sure to tell any friends who might find this work interesting. The leaderboard tab is now public if you want the bragging rights of your referral numbers. Thanks to The Anomalist for linking to the recent installment of the Getting Spooked reading list. Email me at gettingspooked@protonmail.com with any questions, comments, recommendations, leads, or paranormal stories. You can find me on Twitter at @TannerFBoyle1, on Bluesky at @tannerfboyle.bsky.social, or on Instagram at @gettingspooked. Until next time, stay spooked.

1. Laker, Barbara and David Gambacorta. “From Phillies icon to ‘time traveler’: Darren Daulton’s family believes his struggles and cancer were linked to the Vet’s turf.” The Philadelphia Inquirer. 10 April 2023. https://www.inquirer.com/news/phillies-daulton-cancer-artificial-turf-pfas-veterans-stadium-20230410.html.

2. Kashatus, William C. Macho Row: The 1993 Phillies and Baseball’s Unwritten Code. Lincoln: University of Nebraska Press, 2017. Page xvi-xvii.

3. Ibid., page xvii.

4. Daulton, Darren. If They Only Knew. Cocoa: Blue Note Books, 2008. Page 14.

5. Ibid.

6. Mooney, Roger. “Clearwater's Darren Daulton remembered for larger-than-life personality.” Tampa Bay Times. 8 August 2017. https://www.tampabay.com/sports/baseball/ml/clearwaters-darren-daulton-remembered-for-larger-than-life-personality/2332976/.

7. Daulton, Darren. If They Only Knew. Cocoa: Blue Note Books, 2008. Page 23.

8. Ibid., page v.

9. Ibid., page 146.

10. Ibid., page 116.

11. Ibid., page 137.

12. Kashatus, William C. Macho Row: The 1993 Phillies and Baseball’s Unwritten Code. Lincoln: University of Nebraska Press, 2017. Page 261.

13. Ibid., page 335.

14. Zolecki, Todd. “Is Daulton in Dutch?: Former Phil insists life is ducky, he’s not daffy.” The Philadelphia Inquirer. 4 March 2006. https://www.newspapers.com/article/the-philadelphia-inquirer/157022365/.

15. Laker, Barbara and David Gambacorta. “From Phillies icon to ‘time traveler’: Darren Daulton’s family believes his struggles and cancer were linked to the Vet’s turf.” The Philadelphia Inquirer. 10 April 2023. https://www.inquirer.com/news/phillies-daulton-cancer-artificial-turf-pfas-veterans-stadium-20230410.html.

16. Ibid.

17. Daulton, Darren. If They Only Knew. Cocoa: Blue Note Books, 2008. Page 57-58.

18. Laker, Barbara and David Gambacorta. “From Phillies icon to ‘time traveler’: Darren Daulton’s family believes his struggles and cancer were linked to the Vet’s turf.” The Philadelphia Inquirer. 10 April 2023. https://www.inquirer.com/news/phillies-daulton-cancer-artificial-turf-pfas-veterans-stadium-20230410.html.

19. Ibid.

20. Luzer, Daniel. “Artificial Turf and Cancer Risk.” JNCI: Journal of the National Cancer Institute 108, no. 12, December 2016. Page djw311. https://academic.oup.com/jnci/article/108/12/djw311/2706944.

21. Ibid.

22. Ibid., page djw312.

23. Laker, Barbara and David Gambacorta. “From Phillies icon to ‘time traveler’: Darren Daulton’s family believes his struggles and cancer were linked to the Vet’s turf.” The Philadelphia Inquirer. 10 April 2023. https://www.inquirer.com/news/phillies-daulton-cancer-artificial-turf-pfas-veterans-stadium-20230410.html.

24. Ibid.

25. Daulton, Darren. If They Only Knew. Cocoa: Blue Note Books, 2008. Page 37.

26. Ibid., page 140.

27. Rapp, Timothy. “The 20 Most Notorious Retired Athletes.” Bleacher Report. 17 May 2011. https://bleacherreport.com/articles/703069.

28. Laker, Barbara and David Gambacorta. “From Phillies icon to ‘time traveler’: Darren Daulton’s family believes his struggles and cancer were linked to the Vet’s turf.” The Philadelphia Inquirer. 10 April 2023. https://www.inquirer.com/news/phillies-daulton-cancer-artificial-turf-pfas-veterans-stadium-20230410.html.